Why?

Earlier this week I had a conversation with one of my single friends. My only single friend, in fact. She said that she has given up trying to find someone. She also said that she no longer cares about global warming because she will not bear any offspring who will have to experience any ill-effects such as the extinction of the polar bears. I am very concerned about the polar bears. I am also not really sure if it's politically correct to not care about global warming.

I got to wondering why this gal doesn't have a special someone. She's one of the most beautiful women I know, brilliant, punctual, fun, holds her liquor, has a great salary and a master's degree, and even knows stuff about sports. I just don't get it. She says she's just unlucky. That gets me angry. Angry like when people say: "Don't worry, if I can find someone, anyone can." I don't really want to find the kind of someone who wants to date the kind of someone who says something like that. Unless it's to kick his teeth in as punishment for being attracted to an asshole.

I guess it all depends on what you think the goal of the game is. Maybe it's like a piniata at a 5-year-old's birthday party and the winner is the fat kid who hip checks all the other kids to scoop up the most pieces and spends the rest of his life feeling satisfied about his remarkable success at candy collecting and assuring all the other kids who aren't as quick that some day they'll smack that piniata too. If that's the case, then my friend is probably the kid that really only wants the twix, and looks around for the twix after the piniata is smashed and can't find it so she decides she better pick up a pixie stick before all the candy is gone, but it's too late because that fat kid is really good at picking up candy. Who am I? I'm the kid that hit the piniata but didn't realize that I had smashed it open and am swinging at the air, blindfolded, while all the other kids are taking the candy and not cluing me in because they'd rather not have the competition. Then I probably trip over the fat kid and lie there bleeding, still blindfolded, while everyone else laughs.

I don't want your stupid candy anyway. And it's really kind of a relief not to have to worry about the polar bears.